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How to approach your crush?

28.04.2020 klo 11:01 - Produced by Family Federation of Finland
Infatuation is a wonderful and often very powerful feeling. When you are infatuated or fall in love, it is difficult to get your thoughts away from the other. Sometimes you can observe your crush from further away and be completely satisfied with the situation. Or, you may want to approach the potential partner.

Sharing your feelings is often very stressful, because you then find out what the other person thinks about you. There is always a risk that the other will not feel the same way.

If the mere thought of talking to your crush scares or even paralyses you, no worries – you do not have to do anything about it. Expressing your feelings of infatuation or liking is not mandatory.

If you want to find out what kind of feelings your crush has for you, you can do so by expressing your own feelings. A negative answer is always possible, of course, and then the decision of the other must be respected: no means no. It also means that maybe you were not meant to be together, but the same approach might work with someone else.

Remember, there are no gender roles in taking initiatives and expressing your feelings!

Getting to know each other begins gradually

There is no single and right way to get to know one another. The initial stages often progress gradually.

If you do not have very direct contact, you have to consider how to get closer. If you have direct contact and courage, talk, tell about yourself, and show your interest in the other person.

If your approach is appreciated, continue. If not, respect this and do not argue it. It does not help your case.

Pick-up lines may work, but really cheesy and worn-out attempts are likely to do quite poorly. Try to come up with something unique that describes your personality, and that you feel is a good and natural way to approach. Usually other people do not pay as much attention to shyness and insecurity as you feel yourself. Some appreciate a more cautious approach, some appreciate a more direct approach – but few appreciate a rude approach.

Humour, ease and cheerfulness can be the things that attract people’s interest. Some like rough humour, some think it is just lame and tasteless.

Do not try to put yourself on a pedestal by walking over others, calling names, or mocking. It may paint a nasty picture of you as a bully.

If you attend the same school, there are several good moments to get acquainted:

  • If you know someone in their group of friends, maybe you can increase your contact with them. Chatting is natural in a larger group.
  • You can seek their presence at school. Sit next to them in class, join the same team during gym, or approach them during lunch. You can even sit at the same table and seek eye contact. If your gaze is responded to and you get a smile, you have probably got their attention.
  • After you have exchanged a word or two with them, it is more natural to greet each other. It facilitates the transit to chatting level.
  • Eye contact and smile are effective non-verbal communication – Explore how they respond to your gaze and expression.

It may be easier to find people with similar interests or same sexual orientation online. On the other hand, on the internet, people may also paint a picture of themselves that does not correspond to reality, which over time may cause a feeling of being cheated or deceived.

If you know them through social media, you can get their attention by reacting to their social media posts:

  • You can initiate a chat with humorous and insightful comments – and that is how you got their attention.
  • Liking pictures is always a positive and good sign. Keep in mind, however, that you do not have to comment or like every picture.
  • A private message sent through social media is an effective way of a quick contact. If the response to your message is positive, they probably react to you well. If not, you may have to wait. Not replying to a message may be a sign of absent-mindness, haste, or lack of interest.
  • The life situations of people are often unknown. There are also people who are not interested in dating or already have a significant other.

Youth Service Experts, the Family Federation of Finland

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