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Communication trouble at home

ID 179065

Hi, I have problem of communication, I been married for almost 8 years and during this period of time my wife complaining about why I’m not talking about anything with her. We do talk but not like a couple. Most of the time we argue on this matter which she right about it as a couple we have to talk and communicate, I don’t have any idea why it’s not easy for me to talk about anything. Need your advice. thanks

Asiantuntija vastaa

22.05.2020 klo 14:12 , Väestöliitto

Hi! Thanks for your question – I wish I could ask a bit more about your situation, but it’s great that you’re thinking about how to improve communication skills. Also recurring arguments are something that usually don’t go away on their own but need to be worked on.  

You say it’s not easy for you to talk about anything. Has it always been this way? If you’ve sometime noticed that it has been easier to talk, what helped you then? Is there any other way that makes it easier for you to express yourself? Maybe writing or some kind of art? I’m asking these because I think it would be important for you and your wife to find a way for better communication.  

It might also be that you have different expectations about “couples talk” but it’ possible to meet half way and make things better for both of you. What does your wife think about how couples should talk? How would your wife like to talk?  Most couples talk about every day life and share their thoughts and express feelings for each other. It can be important to hear that you are loved. “Thank you for making coffee” or “That shirt looks really good on you” might be some lines to start withOr maybe you could start just by telling about your day, did something interesting happen, did you feel tired or excited about something?  

As important as talking is also listening. Have you figured out why it would be so important to your wife to talk? Many times we can be scared of loosing connection with our partner. Maybe you could think of ways to make this connection stronger? What are your strengths as a couple?  

Learning new ways to communicate isn’t easy. Sometimes it needs an outside person to help a couple. You could ask for more help and guidance from our services for couples, these services are in Finnish but our staff can talk in English as well.

Chat Service everyday 9:30-11:30 
Phone Service Tuesdays and Thursdays 13-15
Chats by appointment (changing availabilty)

Hoping you all the best!

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