Values, Needs and Goals

What Are My Needs?

Even though we’re all individuals, there are shared human needs which should be fulfilled for us to feel well. Some of our needs are vital for basic survival. Some needs are related to our views on leading a happy everyday life. To put it simple: fulfilled needs bring us positive energy, unfulfilled needs fill us with worries and anxiety. Bad temper and discontent might be unconscious signs of unfulfilled needs.

In western countries, our basic needs such as hunger, safety and shelter are fulfilled. In our everyday lives, our more important needs are often related to people or relationships. Everyone wants to be respected and loved as they are. We’re often dissatisfied when these needs are ignored, or we feel mistreated.

We need to feel that our lives are meaningful and that we’re able to fulfil ourselves through work, hobbies, or other interests. When we’re listening to our own needs, we’re independently choosing our life goals towards which we’re aiming. If you feel like things are just happening to you and you have no say in them, you should stop. What should be different in your everyday life, so that it would better meet your needs?

You should be able to tell apart your needs from urges, which give you fleeting pleasure. We might very much want a new piece of clothing, game, or mobile phone, but these are not needs. A fulfilled need gives us a sense of long-lasting content. For example, being publicly praised or thanked can make you feel happy for a long time. This is when our need of being respected and treated well by others is fulfilled.

Some Things Are More Valuable Than Others – This Means I Have Values

Our values are related to our goals, and they guide us towards a life that is meaningful to us. Values show us, how we think things should turn out. They reflect our lives so far, all our experiences from childhood to adulthood. Values can also change slowly as we gain more life experience. They steer our daily choices and actions and describe the things that are the most valuable to us in life. In difficult situations we turn to our values when routines or previously used tools are not helping. Sometimes values can even be contradictory.

Examples of Our Values

• Precious humane experiences such as nature, music, friendship, love, living in the moment
• What you find valuable, such as appreciating material things, skills, health, status
• Ideals like honesty, equality, reverence for life
• Classical values like truth, decency, justice

We are able to postpone instant gratification for long-term rewards later. This requires consideration, mindful choices and even self-discipline. Even if living in the moment would be an important value to you, maybe you could reflect on how it compares to your other important values. Sometimes achieving valuable goals demands persistence and giving up something. Eventually, it might be worth all the trouble.

Sometimes it’s good to stop and think whether your way of life is actually based on your own values or if your upbringing or culture play a role in it. You could also think about the things you find valuable: do they reflect your values or someone else’s? You can adjust your life so that it equals your own values. It’s never too late to make changes.

Keep in mind that our values are our own, personal matters. This is why you can’t compare them with other people’s values. You can’t rank values nor compete with them: no value is better than another. When it comes to values, there is no right or wrong.

Goals help me live according to my values

Needs and values are central motivators in what we find worth striving for in life. One of the best ways to get organised in your life is to become more aware of your goals.

Goals related to your own thinking and action can be related to

• lifestyle and life philosophy
• professional goals
• educational goals
• financial goals
• physical activity
• free-time
• spirituality
• religiousness
• creativity
• Goals related to relationships can be related to, for example,
• family
• friendships
• romantic relationships
• group commitments etc.

You can practice working on your goals – it’s worth it. A good way to tackle this is to divide your goals into smaller parts and track your journey. You can draft a written plan for small steps and reward yourself after each trial and success. Being aware of your goals and creating new ones is meant to help you. Be patient, honest and gentle towards yourself, especially when the goals you set are related to your thoughts and operating methods or habits. You’re the expert on your own life, but it’s OK to ask and get help. Good support can be provided by a person who has had similar problems. You can find more energy for creativity and change from various groups rather than by working alone.

Pay attention to your successes and positive changes. Keep an open mind towards your life, even if things don’t always go according to plan. Take setbacks as learning experiences. Remind yourself that you are good enough as you are right now. You have the right to be seen, heard and accepted exactly as you are right now.

Planning first, then action

You can plan life even though you know that everything won’t go as you thought. Plans help you in situations where you have to make a choice. Planning brings you a sense of safety and control. It will also encourage you to continue with the goals you set.

Time management and planning are good for you. It’s worth it to try to solve things one problem at a time, one step at a time. When you make a start with one thing, some other problem might start to resolve. Perhaps you’re changing your daily rhythm and you notice that many other things start fixing themselves. Making plans and setting meaningful goals helps you make life look like it’s yours. You will get a stronger feeling of control in your life and that you are not directed by other people. For instance, by setting small goals and writing them down in your calendar with other tasks you are making time for things that matter to you. This way you are also telling yourself that you matter and that it’s worth it to invest in your well-being.

When you take charge of your life:

• you will feel the consequences of your actions
• you will take care of yourself
• you will take care of the flow of your daily life
• you can choose from many action options in various situations
• you make plans to reach your goals

Please remember: setbacks are also a part of life. When setbacks occur, remember that there are many things you can impact with your own actions. Don’t try to manage everything all the time: we don’t have control over everything. It’s enough to take note of something, accept it, and move on.

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